So what’s the right timing? When the world or some book says it is? I will struggle in my first relationship right? Why put off or postpone the struggle? Why not work through it now? Even if it doesn’t work in the end? Why wait in life and live according to someone else’s definition of correctness? . It’s been 8 months. Life is short. I could be dead by next month! And then what did I gain by waiting? So many people ask me this question..I suppose it’s a valid point. But I can only do what my heart and soul tells me to do. Perhaps if I wasn’t stuck in a foreign port with immigration staring me down and only a large ocean between me and the next safe country, I may have waited. No women captains that contacted with me clicked with me. Not many men did either. So I looked locally for someone that I could at least be friends with and share a common goal with..to sail across the Atlantic Ocean on my sailboat. Michael and I clicked from day 1. We are now sailing together full time. Not without bumps for sure, and this may not be forever. We both know this. But at least we are both mutually gaining something by doing this trip together. It may be too soon for me to have a successful relationship right now, for sure…But delaying it by a year or two years doesn’t serve any purpose at all, except to waste my time AND my life. I hope that make sense to you. I should not really care what people think about my movements in life..it’s my life. And Michael’s life and he’s full aware how But I do think it’s an opportunity for people to learn that when someone important passes, you shouldn’t feel you have to run your life in a way that is socially accepted or embraced. Like this may be an opportunity to suppress a stereotype you may have in your head about widows…and what we should or shouldn’t be doing and when…Life after your spouse passes should be how you want it to be. There is nothing to prove by not moving on… by not living your life, doing what you yearn to do. “Oh I loved him so much I am just paralyzed and can just never love another and just want to sit in a corner and cry for a few years”. I’ve mourned for 2 years so obviously I’ve proved to the world my love for my husband…” That is NOT what Patrick ever would have wanted, and it’s certainly not how I would spend my life no matter if the whole world agreed it should be this way or that. I feel so bad for widows that ARE paralyzed and can’t move on. I have a friend who has mourned for 8 years now….so paralyzed…and has wasted so many good years of her life. As a widow, one should move as they feel, and not be told it’s too soon or to hurry up. But it’s never too soon to start figuring out the rest of your life, when life is so darn short. I love being with a friend full time, I love working through my issues with someone to hold my hand as I do it, and Michael does that so well. And I love that I’m not sitting in a corner balling my eyes out. YES…I probably cry every single day for what I have lost. And I may always cry that my best friend never got to see what I saw today. But I’m not going to let this consume my life, eat my heart and my soul out. I’m not going to let this be the end of my life. I have a lot of life yet to live, a lot of the world still to see, and yes a lot of love yet to share. I WILL find it if it’s not already sitting right here on my boat with me, and I WILL live my life how I want to live it..not how some book or social etiquette tells me to live it. I will allow myself to mourn for years if I want to. I will not try to make every beautiful moment one of laughter..I will remember him and feel bad he isn’t here with me whenever I want to. I will let my tears flow, and my heart tremble and I will talk about Patrick freely if I want, or not at all if that’s what I want…You can think whatever you want to think…but I have not a single iota of anything to prove to anyone about what I felt for Patrick and my life with him. You can never ever know how a widow feels without walking in their exact exact shoes. You can never know how I feel, or what it means…
Please don’t sit behind your desk and tell me I moved to slowly…or moved too quickly, or didn’t do this right. I did it MY WAY, and I
👏👏👏👏 bravo Rebecca
Rebecca, your doing the right thing. I was married to your 2nd cousin for 39 years Judith (Gunn) Jesiolowski a wonderful loving person who passed in December 2019 of cancer. She had a conversation with me giving me permission to move on with my life. At the time I couldn’t wrap my head around it and I will always love her but I have found someone who I connected with and I talk openly about Judy and that’s okay with Debbie. So live your life and don’t worry about what others think. Life itself is an adventure, so don’t waste a day.
Neil T Jesiolowski
Amen! Everyone handles situations differently and has no right to say what you do is wrong because it may not be what they think they would do. In reality, none of us know how we’d react to any situation until we are in it. Plus, the days of wearing black and not dating for a year are gone. Like you said, we may not even be here in a year! Only you can judge what you do, so don’t pay any attn to others!
Life is too short Rebecca. What do you do in life it’s no one else’s business but your own. My motto in life is “don’t bring me problems bring me solutions”. So the people that are negative and critical, you don’t need to listen to, so delete and block there comments and enjoy every day like it’s your last. I really do wish you the best in everything you do. Best wishes john. 😊
Hey Rebecca,
I’m very happy to hear that you have found a friend to sail on with and follow your dreams.
You are a strong woman and I applaud your determination to live your life to the fullest on your terms.
I know Patrick would approve and I know he will always be with you along the way.
I wish both you and Michael the best moving forward doing what you love to do.
He looks like an old salty dog and fits the part, love the smile.
I love the updates and eagerly await updates on your further adventures.
Be safe, be strong and most of all be true to yourself!
Steve Benjamin
Thanks very much, Rebecca, for your heartfelt message. I am happy that you found someone that you care about who is supportive, understanding, and willing to help you sail your boat across the Atlantic. I hope you have an uneventful passage with fair winds and following seas, and I wish you much love and happiness.
I know exactly what you mean and every word you wrote resonates with me. I also believe my late husband wanted me to carry on sailing and on a 43 ft ketch, I couldn’t do it alone. A good friend of ours helped me with the boat and was there when I howled at the moon, took care of me and is now my best friend and captain. Funnily enough, he is also Michael! All the very best to you as you continue your journey through life and on the ocean.
Go girl!!! Loved your rant! Have a great adventurous life and enjoy all you can.
Carol Childress
You are so right! Thank you for sharing this kind of information with us. Live is too short so I decided to book my first trip on the yacht charter to Italy.
Thank you, you are such an inspiration.
Be safe,
V.
Everyone does things differently and sailing solo across an ocean is not for all. People are also on a extrovert/introvert spectrum requiring different levels of human interaction. Something perhaps the covid situation had made people aware of in these days of digital facsimile of a relationship.
That you feel a need to justify yourself speaks much more of the society than you. As is the case for most things when people choose to be different. Be different, be you. Humanity would be quite boring if everyone was the same.
Thanks so much Veronica…enjoy your yacht charter!
You are quite right..it WOULD be boring, wouldn’t it!!! I will definitely be me..it’s all I can do!!!
Hi. Been following your posts from wayback. You are going through a tough time and just keep doing what you gotta do. As the saying goes” you will never, never know if you never, never have a go.
By the way. We have been married for 59 years and still have a tiff, quarrel, fight, domestic every other day. [ it keeps you on your toes.
Cheers. Stay safe and enjoy life
Bruce
I like that quote 🙂 You never do know til you try… 59 years wow…glad you are still on your toes 😉
Also..thanks for hanging in with me for so long!