Finally ready to cross the Atlantic…here are some of the things we had to do before we could leave…and one thing almost completely stopped us!
A Widow’s Rant…
So what’s the right timing? When the world or some book says it is? I will struggle in my first relationship right? Why put off or postpone the struggle? Why not work through it now? Even if it doesn’t work in the end? Why wait in life and live according to someone else’s definition of correctness? . It’s been 8 months. Life is short. I could be dead by next month! And then what did I gain by waiting? So many people ask me this question..I suppose it’s a valid point. But I can only do what my heart and soul tells me to do. Perhaps if I wasn’t stuck in a foreign port with immigration staring me down and only a large ocean between me and the next safe country, I may have waited. No women captains that contacted with me clicked with me. Not many men did either. So I looked locally for someone that I could at least be friends with and share a common goal with..to sail across the Atlantic Ocean on my sailboat. Michael and I clicked from day 1. We are now sailing together full time. Not without bumps for sure, and this may not be forever. We both know this. But at least we are both mutually gaining something by doing this trip together. It may be too soon for me to have a successful relationship right now, for sure…But delaying it by a year or two years doesn’t serve any purpose at all, except to waste my time AND my life. I hope that make sense to you. I should not really care what people think about my movements in life..it’s my life. And Michael’s life and he’s full aware how But I do think it’s an opportunity for people to learn that when someone important passes, you shouldn’t feel you have to run your life in a way that is socially accepted or embraced. Like this may be an opportunity to suppress a stereotype you may have in your head about widows…and what we should or shouldn’t be doing and when…Life after your spouse passes should be how you want it to be. There is nothing to prove by not moving on… by not living your life, doing what you yearn to do. “Oh I loved him so much I am just paralyzed and can just never love another and just want to sit in a corner and cry for a few years”. I’ve mourned for 2 years so obviously I’ve proved to the world my love for my husband…” That is NOT what Patrick ever would have wanted, and it’s certainly not how I would spend my life no matter if the whole world agreed it should be this way or that. I feel so bad for widows that ARE paralyzed and can’t move on. I have a friend who has mourned for 8 years now….so paralyzed…and has wasted so many good years of her life. As a widow, one should move as they feel, and not be told it’s too soon or to hurry up. But it’s never too soon to start figuring out the rest of your life, when life is so darn short. I love being with a friend full time, I love working through my issues with someone to hold my hand as I do it, and Michael does that so well. And I love that I’m not sitting in a corner balling my eyes out. YES…I probably cry every single day for what I have lost. And I may always cry that my best friend never got to see what I saw today. But I’m not going to let this consume my life, eat my heart and my soul out. I’m not going to let this be the end of my life. I have a lot of life yet to live, a lot of the world still to see, and yes a lot of love yet to share. I WILL find it if it’s not already sitting right here on my boat with me, and I WILL live my life how I want to live it..not how some book or social etiquette tells me to live it. I will allow myself to mourn for years if I want to. I will not try to make every beautiful moment one of laughter..I will remember him and feel bad he isn’t here with me whenever I want to. I will let my tears flow, and my heart tremble and I will talk about Patrick freely if I want, or not at all if that’s what I want…You can think whatever you want to think…but I have not a single iota of anything to prove to anyone about what I felt for Patrick and my life with him. You can never ever know how a widow feels without walking in their exact exact shoes. You can never know how I feel, or what it means…
Please don’t sit behind your desk and tell me I moved to slowly…or moved too quickly, or didn’t do this right. I did it MY WAY, and I
Related Images:
Share this:
Sailing Brick House Update -Video? Departure?
Three Bits of News:
- The Video coming out shortly, debuting 2pm tomorrow, is from before we departed Cape Town. We sailed his boat, Intrepid, a small 31 Foot Steel Boat. One great way to interview the potential Captain was to see how well he sails his OWN boat, how well he maintains it, if he even knows how to sail etc. So we sailed off to Hout Bay. It took a couple tries to get there due to stormy weather, but we eventually got there! Hope you like this lighthearted video with all the smarty pants questions the poor Captain was asked! See how he fairs, when the new video is released in the next 24 hours at “Sailing Brick House” on YouTube.
- We have finally departed Cape Town. The new Captain has lots of footage of the passage and will now have time to learn how to edit the footage he has, so you can look forward to the growth of his videos as time goes on. I will continue to make many of the videos too.
One video is underway now showing you both the sailing and personal challenges we both encountered preparing for this new chapter! Not easy to pluck a man from land, give him a much more complicated boat than his own to run, have him sell up and prepare to depart in a few short months. This story will be a video next month, likely while we are at sea, since there is no affordable internet after this stop, til we arrive on the other side…
- Not everything was ready when we departed Cape Town, but sometimes you just have to untie the dock lines and go. Reghardt Van Der Rijst, a 41 year old Afrikaans friend of Michael’s, accompanied us for the sail up and was a huge, enthusiastic help, and pleasant company too. He had to be back to work for yesterday so we could not delay any longer.
We arrived after a rambunctious 7 day sail that Michael will detail in his debut video in a month or so, also while we are at se.. We cleaned up the boat and rented a car to do our first reconnoiter, after clearing in which was easy and pleasant. No covid test was even asked for and no quarantine. Maybe they forgot as other cruisers had a bit of a run around. Namibia is proving a beautiful country with very nice people, already. I think we will take another trip soon, maybe to Etosha National Park one more time, so I can see my African animal friends once more, and Michael can see the beauty in he countries on his own continent.
As you can well imagine, Michael is struggling getting used to this small space and radically different lifestyle with me; a crazy emotional lady … and me…getting used to a new Captain on a boat I spent so many years with Patrick on…still grieving in many ways, and still struggling to maintain happiness, and the sailing life I so badly want to continue with. Handing control over to a new Captain with not that much experience…not knowing if we will stay together long term… struggling with knowing when to point things out that must be done a certain way, and when to stay quiet and let him do it his own way. There are after all, many ways to do the sam thing, correctly! Not without struggles, to say the least. But we are both trying hard to adapt and make this all work in already trying covid times, so we can pursue a common goal.
Cross your fingers for us! We need lots of fingers!
Coronavirus Update on Brick House -How did we catch it? and More
